Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Gravity and the Great Badunkidunk

My life is never a dull one. I am the Queen of Klutz, I should be given a padded crown as to not poke my eyes out, and a dress made of bubble wrap as to not break or damage anything internally or externally. I've had my fair share of injuries that, of course, would only happen to yours truly. Freakish accidents and incidents that doctors say "Hmmm...I've never seen it this way before" or "If you'd have broken this just a centimeter more this way, you would need to have surgery". This is not a story of aimlessly stubbing a toe of a stair that jumped out of nowhere, or a 100 pound dog who feels the need to run between your legs from behind, causing you to tumble backwards hitting yourself with the frying pan you were just about to put away, and not even finding out you've broken your collarbone due to being a "macho" woman and lifting a roll of rubber membrane on the roof as to seal it and FINALLY stop those leaks in the kitchen (actually, it wasn't so much as being macho, but I was not going to try to hoist the roll from the oak branch as my Bob Villa other half has wanted to). If you know me, when you read this, you'll say "This would only happen to Dawn"...which is usually said due to a lot of my scenarios. This, however, is the story of me and Gravity....

Now Gravity and I have been battling things out for YEARS...from my acrobatics on Lindsey's trampoline into the bushes, to my wonderful seizure type balancing acts while on Rollerblades (which for some reason I can skate at night, but I always fall when I see cars during the day), to my countless times falling out of trees for no reason (the branch appeared to just let go of the tree), to falling off blocks at Oliver's due to not paying attention to my dancing moves, to just walking normally and tripping on absolutely nothing...I can hear Gravity cackle and mock me, only to plan the next time I will be caught off guard so as I can be pummeled and bashed and bruised...it's a love hate relationship, but I always seem to hear the phrase "You were lucky how you landed", or "At least you didn't break anything" or "That break could have been a lot worse, and at least you don't need surgery". I've been an array of rainbow colored bruises throughout the years, enough broken bones to have my own "Operation" game named after me, and after this last stunt, I really want my life back.

Saturday night, I meet my sweetie over at his friends house to help put up drywall in the upstairs since he's got twins on the way in, oh, anytime in the next 2 months!!! I'm upstairs, helping to sweep so the boys could put up the rest of the drywall on the wall over the boards to get the wall closed up, and I find a piece of scrap metal that I'm going to put in the pile that Jon had started. I see the boys in the hall, so I figure I could cut through the closet, which still hadn't had the "walls" put up yet. I take a step through the studs, I hear a snap, next thing you know, I'm sitting on my big ol' badunkidunk, covered in drywall dust, my arms are hurting, and I'm staring at a toilet. Yes, I had just fallen one floor below down into the bathroom.

I hear "Dawn?"

"Yeah..." I weakly reply.

"Holy crap (censored to what was actually said), she just went through the floor!"

Yes, I had just fallen through a piece of drywall that was put on the floor to where the duct work and piping were being replaced. Drywall was put there instead of plywood due to it being worked on, that the ladies of the house wanted some privacy while using the downstairs bathroom, and I was not aware that that was drywall so I though nothing of it when I had taken my first step towards to my to date biggest battle with Gravity. I heard the guys running down the steps to where I was sitting in the dark corner of the bathroom. The force that I had brought down with me had broken some kind of plastic container, to which I profusely apologized for as Jon and Andrea (the owners of the house) apologized themselves for a)using drywall as a floor cover, and b)Jon not telling me not to walk there (mind you, it'd been almost 2 years since I'd been upstairs there helping to work on the upstairs, so I didn't realize that part of the ceiling was still missing).

I looked around me and tried to see what I had fallen into the middle of. In front of me was an 8 foot piece of 6 inch cast iron piping leaning up against the wall in front of me. Behind me was razor sharp duct work that was going to be placed where I had just come through. To my right, about 12 inches away, was the toilet. Not even 12 inches to my right was the bathroom wall, which I could have bounced off of had I fallen weirdly. I had fallen perfectly straight down, I didn't hit anything else except for a plastic container, which the homeowners had said had been previously broken, so I did them a favor to make them finally throw it out.

Matt asked if I needed to be brought to the hospital...I believe that if I go to the ER one more time, they'll give me a coupon for a free bottle of vicodin. I was shaky, my legs felt fine, the way I had fallen was still a mystery as that I didn't hurt myself more. My legs were completely fine, and had bent when I landed on my ginormous cushion of a keister. My left armpit had a bit of a rug burn type rash, my right arm was swollen from the elbow to halfway up the arm, I had some pain in my upper left ribs, and there was some pain on my left thigh, which had also assisted me in my fall. Above my right elbow, it looked like I had shaved off some skin, but the swelling made me nervous for a bit. It was kind of hard and squishy, not like a typical injury that I was used to. I stood up, walked outside, and breathed in the cool evening air. I felt nauseous, and just needed some water to relax a bit. I iced my elbow and my armpit, and awaited the wonderful color display that I would await in the days to come.

Sunday I woke up, sore and stiff. I look in the mirror. My left armpit now had what looked to be dark purple and red streaks climbing from behind the actual pit itself, about 8 inches towards my elbow. It looks like demonic ivy trying to grow down my inner arm. My right elbow has a scab and a bruise that is starting to circle the underside of my elbow, and it's still sensitive to the touch and feels kinda squishy. I've got a small bruise high on my left ribcage, I've got a huge black and blue goose egg on my left thigh, and I've got scratches down my spine from dragging down across the drywall. As of today, Tuesday, the bruising is still increasing, I'll post some pictures later on. The neighbors will think I'm a beaten woman.

I talked to one of the phlebotomists here at work about how much damage one has to do to themselves to be concerned about a blood clot (yes, this topic was brought up from my wonderful better half last night after seeing how the colors were increasing upon my arms...freaking me out to the point where I could barely sleep and seeing if my pulse or breathing was changing or getting more difficult)...I showed her my arms, and she cringed saying go talk to the doctors!!! I went to talk to two of our doctors, showed them the arm bruising and they said "Pretty colors". Ha ha...gotta love their expertise. I told them my story, they looked at my colorful appendages, and said they didn't think I'd have to worry about any kind of blood clotting, especially since I was active and didn't have any restriction or joint pain(and the day after the incident, I not only mowed our big yard, but I also used the weed whacker...I don't have time to slow down).

So that is my most recent, and possibly most deadly, run in with Gravity. Oh, never a dull moment with me around, you'll always be on your toes. I pray to have some recoup time before Gravity and I meet up again, I don't think I could stomach anything else seeing how as I ALSO need a physical assessment for the nursing program sometime in the next couple of weeks...and I want to make sure my vibrant colors have dissipated as to not having anyone thing I am being abused (though Gravity does SUCH a good job on it's own).

I'll post recent pics of the increasing colors tonight when I get home. I'm at work, so I might as well start earning my paycheck!


Sarah McBride said...

DAWN! You are sop lucky you didnt break your neck, seriously!

glad it is only bumps and bruises and nothing too serious!

You are ALWAYS welcome to fly down here anytime.
I would even be willing to drive all the way up to Raleigh to pick you up too(cheaperto fly into)
or Greensboro...

Anonymous said...

My favorite was the "Dammit, Pat!" trip over the log. Still makes me laugh so hard my organs hurt.

Daisy said...

Oh my gosh! So glad that you're OK. Sounds like you've had more than your share. About the only good side to this happening is it gives you a good story to tell! :D Hope you are feeling better soon.