Sunday, December 14, 2008

Okay, so the chest pains have gone away naturally (probably due to the daily stress in my life), so I'm THRILLED about not going to see the doc...the less I need to go the better, though I probably should schedule a full physical after the beginning of the year since it's been what, since high school that I've done that? Yeah, I'm not much the doctor fan, though I've had my stretches of visits over the past couple of years...broken foot, nail through the foot, shoulder surgery, pneumonia, etc...but here's to a healthier 2009 I tell ya!

So now my job is to survive the holidays...and not eat myself a size bigger (thank goodness that hasn't been the case yet). But, there are stressful things that I will have to overcome. Per my Dad, who likes a little too much of the drinky drinky on family holidays, if we don't come on Christmas when he wants us there, there will no longer be a Christmas at their house. Yeah, that was the martini's talking, but Christmas will still be going on at their house for ever and ever...amen. There was a discussion with the kids and we're all going to go over later around 1pm-ish so that WE can have our own little personal gatherings prior to going over there for the gift exchange and festivities. Yeah, for me it's an hour plus drive, and while talking about this with my Mom on the phone, saying how I understand how things are changing and how people have their own lives, she said to me "I understand it, but I don't have to like it. And I'm not the one who moved so far away." This is the crap I have to deal with for family gatherings. Yes, I moved away to move in with a man I love into HIS house, not a house we bought together. Yes, you may not like the fact that we don't want to come over on Christmas, but I don't like the fact that you've only been over to my house one time since I moved in 4 years ago. And don't give me this "I don't have to like it" speech when you and Dad did the same thing with Grandma when we used to all go out to her place on Christmas, then you decided it was too hard and then started going over there the Saturday before Christmas or Christmas Eve for YOUR gift exchange...hypocritical and frustrating...this was what Thanksgiving brought us this year.

Holidays at my family gatherings are rarely fun, except when we siblings get together and start playing board games, or start bantering or reminising about something funny. That's something I miss since everyone is always running over to someone else's place prior to getting home that night. And yes, I am one of those running out to get home, but with darkness coming by 4:30pm these days, yeah, I'm not a fan of driving home on a holiday with the other crazies trying to get home and relax before the next day comes...and again, my drive is at least an hour one way.

This year is another crazy holiday time, Loverboy's Gram started to do Christmas on actual Christmas rather than on Christmas Eve since her nephew and psycho wife started holding their kids hostage if Gram and Loverboy's Aunt didn't go over there ON Christmas Eve...seriously, really? Can you be anymore psycho, crazy wife lady? There's some disturbing stories about that lady, but that's for another time.

So Christmas is not only at Gram's, but at my folks house as well. Last year I went to my folks and Loverboy went to his cousin's in Indiana...and I got flak for him not being with me. With our schedules, he doesn't get to see his family either, so I'm not going to NOT let him see his family around the holidays while I go over to my parent's house. This year it will be that way again, and I know that there will be discussion about him not being there again. I already told them most likely he wouldn't be coming since he has to work the next day, a luxury that our office ended up giving us another personal holiday for since we had a wonderful year budget-wise. Last Thanksgiving we had ended up staying home since we had a huge dumpster to get rid of all the roofing materials we had torn off the house, and since they were coming to pick it up on that Saturday, it was nice to not have to go anywhere for a family headache. I'd rather just stay home this year myself, but that's not going to happen...I'm a "can't say no" kinda gal, always have been, but hopefully always will not be. 2009 is the year to take my life back. I have a wedding to plan (now that we finally have a date...May 16th...and now I just need a contract), I have school I have to reapply for, a job to find closer to home which I hope to do prior to the wedding, a house to get in order, downsize all my junk...and hopefully have a garage sale this year, better life...and better me.

Hugs to you all, and have a save and happy holiday season!

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

So forgive me if I'm a blubbering idiot and write novel posts...I always want to get EVERY detail added or else the info loses it's luster...and I like things shiney!

So here's the schpeal...I'm 32, getting over shoulder surgery, I'm a major klutz so you may see pics of my self damage up here sometime soon (it seems to be a weekly occurence), working full time, trying to get back into the nursing program (had to drop due to surgery), have a Money pit house that's bleeding me dry, I'm addicted to sweets (hmm...sugary goodness...), I'm engaged to a man who can live off hot dogs for the rest of his life and no gain weight, and I'm getting married sometime in the 5 months. Oh, and I weigh 240 right now...ack, I said it!!!

Yup, premium tubbo to be exact (I know, the comedic comments are horrendous, but it's how I deal, smile and nod with me)...buxom, pleasantly plump, love handles to spare, spare tire, chubby...or just plain fat. Yup, that's me, now lets hold hands, sing kumbia and then hit the sweets table.

So here's the deal, chest pains are not a fun deal, and I've been having them quite often. I'm not sure if it's my body saying "Listen here, you chubby wench, take it easy, there's only one of me to go around, " or if I'm going to become one of those early 30 y/o's who have to have heart surgery due to the syrup clogged in their arteries...or if it's just a change in the weather and the holidays always make me stressed, or if my ticker is teasing me and giving me the chance to drop a quick 20-60 pounds before dropping me. I'll make an appointment soon, I promise.

Or it could be because with my weight gain, the "twins" (the glorious ta-tas upon my busom) are huge and causing my chest to lean forward and cause chest and back issues...I need to do something quick.

So from now on the most of my biot (Linds will remember that) fest will be changing a bit to my struggle and succession of losing the "joey" like pouch where a flat stomach should be, and I will not whine...well, whine with a little cheese never hurt anybody....NO! No whine, or wine (well, maybe a glass of merlot for the ol' ticker, it's supposed to be GOOD for me, but no longer a bottle!) I will throw in useless tidbits of things that I find amusing, or make me laugh, or piss me basically not much is changing except me putting in some weight loss stuff.

So be ready for more posts, if you don't hear from me for a while, I did have a coronary, but I'll be back on soon...a coronary means time off from work, which means time on the devil screen (which is what I call the computer these days since it's sucking the life out of me lately)...laters taters...hmmmm....taters....