Sunday, February 28, 2010

A New Year, a new me...better late than never...

246.8…good bejesus! Yup, I’m newly 34 years old and weigh over 240 pounds…pathetic, isn’t it? I can’t use the “I just had shoulder surgery” excuse, or the “I’m stressed out with this wedding”, excuse, or the “I just don’t have time to exercise” excuse…I’m done, and I’m ready to actually make a difference. What I think I’m so pissed about is a)I’m NOT going a bra size up, I’m already squeezing into a 42DD (okay, down boys, it’s not that fun to actually have to carry these funbags around), and I’m sure it’s one of the causes for my shoulder pain.

B) I always said I was not going to look like my Mother when I got older…well, I have her features, but now I have her waistline…why? Growing up with too much cooking and fattening foods? No, I have no excuse, I’ve been eating crap, KNOWING I’ve been eating crap, and not doing a damn thing about it. Yes I’m married now, I don’t need to look good for the boys out there anymore, but the fact that I’m probably at least 70 pounds overweight (which would make my ideal weight 176, which is still above what my actual weight SHOULD be, but I wasn’t even 176 in high school!!!) And now with working at a pizza place and taking WAY too much advantage of bringing food home from the buffet (they just throw it out…it’s such a waste of food when the buffet is over), I need to step away from the free food and deal with the problem this is becoming…no one to blame here but me.

C) I’ve had these friggin heel spurs for over a year now, and gaining weight is NOT helping!!! Lose weight, or lose the foot I say…if I don’t get my weight down, then I’ll need surgery, and I cannot afford to be off work for 6 weeks right now, let alone take off a week of no pay (sucks to work where you get no sick time or vacation time).

D) This is one of the many reasons that I absolutely HATE shopping for clothes!!! I have to spend a heck of a lot more money just to cover my rolls, and I don’t care how cute the stuff is at Torrid, it’s still pricey!!! We big gals aren’t made of money, we spend it all on crap to stuff in our faces!

E) I miss doing things I used to do before I majorly ballooned up…like walking, or canoeing, or rollerskating (ok, well, not REALLY rollerskating, since for some reason I could only skate at night without cars on the road, otherwise I was a weeble wobble) I miss wearing cute clothes and going out dancing…now I look like a hot mess jiggling to the beat…yeah, not pretty. And it’s not the fact that I’m already off the market and taken, I don’t like the “Oh, she’s cute in the face” whisper…I have the equivalent of a sixth grader (estimated 70 pounds of blubber) stuck on me, and I’m not going to deal with it anymore.

So no, it’s not a “New Years resolution”, but it’s a start, and stepping on that scale for the first time this year was DEFINITELY not just a wake up call, but a “GET YOUR ASS IN GEAR” military scream from…yup, my ass. Maybe this will help the back pain, maybe this will help the chest pain that comes sporadically, but I know this will help the cholesterol level go down, as well as my chances of dropping dead due to a heart attack…or at least postpone it a little bit. So I’m back to blogging, and back to a day in the life! Not that this will turn more into a weight loss sob story, but it’ll be an outlet for me, and if not for just me, for anyone who gives a crap and cares to chime in “You know, I’m a little peeved at myself too right now, and I’m not going to take it anymore.” Yeah, happy birthday to me...and lets skip the cake this year.

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