Holy crap, it's September 14th...and where the hell is this year going!!?!?!?!

OK, time to vent...it's been what, 7 months since I last spewed a bunch of crap? OK...well, here goes...

At least I haven't gained any weight...though I haven't lost any either. Still a lazy behemoth (yeah, it's spelled right, I googled it) and not taking initiative to loose the tubbyness that has been my middle region for how long now?

What else...oh yeah, still living in the crappy money pit house! Can you believe it's been over a year and we are still dealing without a decent bathroom? Holy fuck, batman, will the insanity ever be over? However, there has been improvement (however, it's been just mostly recently): see exhibit A...

At least the shower drain is in (the pitch and concrete steps of this must have been written by Satan himself, they sucked so majorly), the walls are mudded, the ceiling is just about dried so we can finish sanding and painting, the shelves are in the shower wall (handy for those shampoo and conditioner bottles and extra showery goodies)

So yes, that is a faucet coming out of the wall. Another of the boys bright ideas on how we can spend more money and make this bathroom cost more than the house is actually worth (at the moment at least, we're still waiting to transfer said bathroom and finish ripping up the floor). So yeah, this is the hell I've been dealing with for a year...I gave the boy actual ultimatum that either the house is livable by October (and as in livable, that we have couches and a TV in the living room area and no more piles of sawdust or nails or any power tools that are necessary for someone to not fall through the floor) or I am moving out. You think I'm joking? You try living in filth and dust and dealing with the cats using under the house as their own giant personal toilet...yeah, I'm not joking. However, the rest of the house still looks like this:

What else...oh, I'm still waitressing and barely getting paid to bust my ASS off! I also took on a part time weekend gig (if you can call a 48 hour shift as a live in as part time) doing home health care...12hour, 24 hour, and 48 hour positions where I watch elderly clients who are either recovering from some type of surgery, are in danger of injuring themselves if left alone, or have Alzheimer's or some form of dementia (or all three if that's the case). So yeah, working 7 days a week for the past month or so...and why you ask? Oh, get this bit of brilliance.

So the boy decides in the summertime that he's rather build a shed in the backyard to put all his tools in and get rid of the cheapy aluminum shed that was rusting out and was dented due to a big branch and an even bigger wind (wind one, shed el zippo). So I let him have his fun, do what you gotta do, just finish this fucking house. So apparently one day he's working on the shed roof and he falls flat on his back. I didn't know this happened, we're both accident prone individuals, so the fact that we're still walking on 2 legs is a mystery to me, so I didn't think much of it. During the next few weeks he starts getting major pain in the right side of his back, he's losing feeling in his right arm, and he's losing feeling in 3 of the fingers of his right hand! He thinks it's just kinks and arthritis, so he takes off a few days from work just to recoup. So this is going on for longer and longer...then I finally persuade him to go to the doc that did my shoulder surgery. Saw this doc, did an MRI, and finally a month after he's been off work already we find out...bulging disk in his 7th cervical vertebrae. Doc says let's start off with cortisone shots, and if 3 don't work, then surgery. So that was 2 weeks ago, and we're still waiting to find out when the boy can start the cortisone shot. Mind you he's been off work for almost 2 months, I'm working 60-90 hours weeks (yeah, one week was actually 90 hours with not only my waitressing 30 hours, but I worked 3- 12 hour overnight health care shifts as well as a 24 hour health care shift...I don't think I could do one of those anymore). Yeah, my heal spurs are nothing compared to that bulging disk, here's hoping that he can get an injection within the next week or so and that his disability papers from work start sending his disability checks this week (yeah, 2 months and he hasn't gotten paid...yeah the financial arguments are constant).

However, though my life is not what I wish it to be, it could be a LOT worse...though it makes me feel better to gripe about it than saying how good we actually have it....I can say that after we find out the deal with the boys back and getting this house done! So that's it...I'm done...I need a drink....latas!

A New Year, a new me...better late than never...

246.8…good bejesus! Yup, I’m newly 34 years old and weigh over 240 pounds…pathetic, isn’t it? I can’t use the “I just had shoulder surgery” excuse, or the “I’m stressed out with this wedding”, excuse, or the “I just don’t have time to exercise” excuse…I’m done, and I’m ready to actually make a difference. What I think I’m so pissed about is a)I’m NOT going a bra size up, I’m already squeezing into a 42DD (okay, down boys, it’s not that fun to actually have to carry these funbags around), and I’m sure it’s one of the causes for my shoulder pain.

B) I always said I was not going to look like my Mother when I got older…well, I have her features, but now I have her waistline…why? Growing up with too much cooking and fattening foods? No, I have no excuse, I’ve been eating crap, KNOWING I’ve been eating crap, and not doing a damn thing about it. Yes I’m married now, I don’t need to look good for the boys out there anymore, but the fact that I’m probably at least 70 pounds overweight (which would make my ideal weight 176, which is still above what my actual weight SHOULD be, but I wasn’t even 176 in high school!!!) And now with working at a pizza place and taking WAY too much advantage of bringing food home from the buffet (they just throw it out…it’s such a waste of food when the buffet is over), I need to step away from the free food and deal with the problem this is becoming…no one to blame here but me.

C) I’ve had these friggin heel spurs for over a year now, and gaining weight is NOT helping!!! Lose weight, or lose the foot I say…if I don’t get my weight down, then I’ll need surgery, and I cannot afford to be off work for 6 weeks right now, let alone take off a week of no pay (sucks to work where you get no sick time or vacation time).

D) This is one of the many reasons that I absolutely HATE shopping for clothes!!! I have to spend a heck of a lot more money just to cover my rolls, and I don’t care how cute the stuff is at Torrid, it’s still pricey!!! We big gals aren’t made of money, we spend it all on crap to stuff in our faces!

E) I miss doing things I used to do before I majorly ballooned up…like walking, or canoeing, or rollerskating (ok, well, not REALLY rollerskating, since for some reason I could only skate at night without cars on the road, otherwise I was a weeble wobble) I miss wearing cute clothes and going out dancing…now I look like a hot mess jiggling to the beat…yeah, not pretty. And it’s not the fact that I’m already off the market and taken, I don’t like the “Oh, she’s cute in the face” whisper…I have the equivalent of a sixth grader (estimated 70 pounds of blubber) stuck on me, and I’m not going to deal with it anymore.

So no, it’s not a “New Years resolution”, but it’s a start, and stepping on that scale for the first time this year was DEFINITELY not just a wake up call, but a “GET YOUR ASS IN GEAR” military scream from…yup, my ass. Maybe this will help the back pain, maybe this will help the chest pain that comes sporadically, but I know this will help the cholesterol level go down, as well as my chances of dropping dead due to a heart attack…or at least postpone it a little bit. So I’m back to blogging, and back to a day in the life! Not that this will turn more into a weight loss sob story, but it’ll be an outlet for me, and if not for just me, for anyone who gives a crap and cares to chime in “You know, I’m a little peeved at myself too right now, and I’m not going to take it anymore.” Yeah, happy birthday to me...and lets skip the cake this year.