Are you frackin kidding me?

Okay, yeah, the shitith has hitith the fan...at least in my book. So Loverboy's Mom calls to see how things are going , asks what the dress looks like, and wants to know if we've found her a hotel/motel close by so she can visit with us during the wedding. Okay, fine, we said we'd find something close and cheap, and we're trying, but when someone has a budget of $50 or less a night for a room, it's pretty damn hard...even Priceline declined my offer. So that's not the reason for this little rant.

Loverboy's Mom has never been much of one saving money (and don't get me started of her saying how she was "in debt" after she lived with us free of charge for 3 months while looking for a local job about 2 years ago) and is horrible with her impulse buys...and alcohol...and cigarette addictions. So she's trying to find a hotel online for around $50 a night, and can't find any. So she asks us to help, and apparently someone I'm the one trying to find a place for her to stay. She's coming in 2 days before the wedding and leaving the Monday after. Ok, 5 day stay, then she's flying back home.

So I was letting her know what was going on, then how I didn't know how much we would see her on that Thurs night because we were doing the "jack and jill"(bachelor/bachelorette party)...and then staying the night out at a hotel and not coming home till the next morning. Friday night was the rehearsal dinner, and then we'd see her at the wedding. Well she asked if she was invited to the jack and jill, and I started laughing and said no, but she could come to the rehearsal dinner on Friday night. Then I asked her if she wanted to go to the jack and jill, just to see what she'd say (lord knows parents are NOT allowed to the bachelor/bachelorette party...unless you have that type of relationship with your folks...we do not), and she was all for it if there were strippers there. Um...I think I just threw up a little in my mouth...Loverboy's Mom, drinking, and strippers is NOT my idea of a good time. So I explained that we weren't having strippers, and that we were going to a bar that we went to for my birthday to play volleyball...it was something I wanted to do, and after my b-day, Loverboy said he wanted to go there too for his bachelor party...hence now the jack and jill.

So then Loverboy's Mom started saying why should she come out if we're not even going to get to see her (while I'm STILL trying to find her a hotel/motel room online) and that now she may have to change her flight information...we're still going to have to pick her up from the airport, so what the hell? I was getting to a breaking point, so I passed the phone off to Loverboy, I couldn't talk to that woman. So he's talking to her, and then he said something like "You can come to the party, I don't know why Dawn would say that." He said he'd call her back, then came to find me and find out why the heck I passed off the phone and took off. He was also trying to find out why I didn't want him Mom coming to the jack and jill. I apologized for pawning off the phone, but I was frustrated with trying to help her, then she wanting to invite herself to everything, and I'm sorry that she's coming early, but I've got a lot of stuff and I didn't feel that I wanted to babysit her when she was in town...it's not like I don't have enough stuff on my plate! Also, she's still expecting ME (not him, not the Internet, not God himself) to find her a cheap hotel room...who knows what's going to happen then...then she had said that with the money for the flight, and if she's got to put down $300-400 for a hotel stay, either she won't be able to stay as long as she wanted, or she won't be able to get us a wedding gift. I told you, she's not one for saving, and I told her we didn't need a gift as long as she was coming, that was good enough. Loverboy didn't know she'd said those things, I should've told her I'd call her back after talking to Loverboy. But what really upset me was that she wanted to come to the jack and jill (and this is what I explained to Loverboy) and if she did, she would be spending money and be drinking, she's LOUD when she drinks and wants to be everyones friend (then she'll stab you in the back when you least expect it, speaking from experience), she was already complaining about money so why spend money out and about for drinking rather than saving it for the hotel room...and she doesn't know the area. If she follows us, she wouldn't be able to find her way back. If she came WITH us, we are NOT sharing a hotel room with that woman...and don't even THINK about paying for her for the night in her own room, let alone see if anyone else staying would take her in, not for free at least. Loverboy then understood why I had told her that she wasn't invited. Now she's upset and is going to try to come in on that Friday instead of Thursday...and even when she comes into town, she's borrowing one of our cars!!! Seriously, this woman is getting everything handed to her on a silver platter, I swear! I'm not looking at hotels anymore, I'm gonna go tomorrow after the bridal shower to see what's in the area...at long as it's not a roach motel, I think she'll be fine....otherwise she's on her own...I can't perform miracles! Yeah, this is just want I needed...drama...and here I was doing so well?

Leave it to my Mom to make me feel like crap...once again.

So I got a call from my brother to see what date we were going to pick for the group birthdays: my sis in law, brother, Loverboy, me, and my little brother who's birthday was in Jan. I had talked to my sis in law about 2 weeks ago and we decided it'd be nice to do it on a Sunday since Loverboy worked on Saturdays and we wanted to include him. I told sis in law to double check with brother to see if it worked, then let me know and I could talk with little bro to see if it jived. Well, got an email from my Mom yesterday (apparently she had talked to sis in law on Friday and said they were going to do it on Saturday the 28th), and I said to talk to sis in law since it was up to them.

So the call was brother saying they didn't want to be in charge of choosing the birthdate since Mom had said that they wanted to do it on the 28th (my actual b-day), and that Sunday didn't "work" for them. In other words, my father, the martini man, would not be in good spirits or would be intoxicated by the time we'd get there. They asked me to choose the date, I said March 1st, Sunday, and if they were going to do it on Saturday, I wasn't going to make it because Loverboy should be there too...sis in law said it's only one day and that martini man and Mom should just suck it up, I wholeheartedly agree.

So I call Mom to confirm the date, she says she's not thrilled with Sunday due to the drinking, and that Saturday would work for them. I tried to explain that Loverboy, who's been working Saturday afternoons for the past year, wouldn't be able to make it and we want to be able to celebrate his birthday too. She said she was tired of the "cat and mouse game" that was going on trying to figure out the date, no one's had a problem with a Sunday except for her, and then I tried to explain that there's 5 of us this year deciding what day it's going to be...everyone else has their own birthday/birthday month...it's just Feb is now packed with birthdays (also including my niece, but she gets her own princess party day). She asked what we're having for lunch (someone usually chooses), I said little bro is in charge and would let her know...he got screwed on his Jan birthday, so he gets to pick. Cake? Sis in law and brother are in charge of that...I'm easing up on the sweets as it is anyways...she'll get an email from them. So THEN she gives this massive sigh, says she's gotta go, love ya, then hangs up. She hung up on me...me, the messenger trying to figure out what was going on for the birthdays. I'd rather not even go over there anymore, this seems to be a big hassle to her, and I'm sorry that we can't accomodate a Sunday alcoholic (not that everyday isn't alcohol day, but Sunday is martini day), and that there's 5 of us who aren't getting our own day to celebrate our own birthday (I've always celebrated my birthday with my older brother, it was one cake, one dinner...we usually swapped turns on what we wanted to eat per what kind of cake or dessert we wanted every year...now there's 2 more in the mix, and little bro due to an Jan birthday scheduling technicality).

I'm stressed out. I really don't need this from her, but I shouldn't expect anything less. She's always on her tiptoes with that man, he's never going to change, and I'm seriously waiting for his liver or kidneys to go out due to the excessive drinking. And this coming when I'm trying to order invitations for the wedding and skim a source doc draft for work (yeah, I'll finish that on the train)...I know I need to breathe, but I had a mini break down when I was trying to find out how many Thank You cards I had gotten from Michaels when they closed the store in the next town over...I'm going to need to get some more. It actually started after Loverboy asked me if I was okay, then I brokedown and started to cry on the couch. Loverboy sat with me as I sat, blubbering, holding my hand..he's seriously the best and I'm lucky to be marrying him (though there have been times I almost previously left him...multiple times...he seems to redeem himself accordingly).

Why does my life have to suck so much right now, I wanna crawl under a rock and hide for the next month or so...but AFTER I do my taxes and pay off bills/wedding dress (which I still have no idea about and need to find) /doc bills/wedding stuff in general...someone please clone me or send me some cheap help...I'll pay in meatballs.

New countdown till dum...dum...da...dummmmm....

Whelp, it's booked. Loverboy and I have FINALLY figured out what were doing to get hitched, not quite what we expected, but we both are absolutely lacking in the fundage department and have decided to elope rather than having a wedding extravaganza of tulle and pearls. We're going to go to the Western Carribean in mid-Jan...just us, though my Mom was trying to persuade me to give her the details in case she "accidentally" showed up with my Dad. Yeah right, in my 30+ years of existence, my folks have NEVER gone on a cruise, let alone any vacation that didn't involve fishing, an outhouse, or Wisconsin...that's another story. Hey, we're not getting any help with this wedding, so we're doing it OUR way...you'll get to see pics at the reception.

Details...I got a 7 day cruise for under $2100 (thanks to Linds-Hairwrecker for suggesting www.vacationstogo.com) with a $50 cabin credit and a free bottle of wine. Now I'm working on airfare and hotel for a day and a half pre-boarding. As for the marriage via ships captain, well, that is kaputz...the packages that the cruise line offered with getting married in the port pre-shoving off was $1550...almost as much as the cruise. The rates go up even higher if you want to get married at sea, or let alone get married on an island where you have to do a blood test and become a citizen if you're doing the actual wedding itself.

Okay, yeah, we'll pass on that. So we're going to do it the easy way...we're going to get married in a courthouse, which is around $35 for a marriage license, and THEN go on the cruise. So yeah, the actual wedding date is not yet finalized, but it'll be around when we actually leave (maybe the morning before we fly out?). I figure we can bring our fancy clothes (um...me in a sundress, him in khakis and a white shirt?) and get pics taken on the beach and the cruise. Turn that into a slideshow, and you've got something to watch at the reception, which will be in turn planned for May. Date yet unknown, I can only do so much since we just started working on this hardcore about 5 days ago (and my we, I mean I...I just made him stare at the screen and say yes or no to where we wanted to go).

Now in the process of looking for first class seating. Not a necessity, but I'd like not to get squished on my honeymoon...plus since we're skimping on the actual ceremony itself, and I got a good deal on the actual cruise, we can splurge for comfort rather than take a flight where we're sardined together. Now Loverboy and I sardined together is one thing, being squished next to a linebacker while I've got linebacker shoulders myself is a whole other ballgame. I'm a chick, I bite, remove your appendage from the arm rest...

Well, I've been slacking off enough for now, gotta get back to work. Anyone with tips on finding good/cheap flights, please send some info my way, my brain is wracked with where we're doing the reception...

Thanks!